Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to give a person the information he really needs. Case in point: U.S. Envoy Frank Wisner telling his old friend Egyptian President Hosni Mubarek that the U.S. doesn’t support him anymore. Imagine gearing up for that conversation.
On a more down to earth level, consider a young woman I knew whose long career at the company consisted of moving from one low level clerical job to another. She saw others move ahead. She knew that the clerical position she held had the potential to become a professional position with responsibility and authority, but her requests to upgrade the position were largely ignored. Eventually, the function of which she was a part moved to a different department, exposing her to an entirely new management team.
After a time, she requested a meeting with her new supervisor, and in so many words, asked, “Why can’t I get ahead?”
And this is what her new supervisor told her:
“There are some business credentials required to perform the position at a higher level. We can identify what it will take for you to earn those credentials.
“But more fundamentally, there are some things we need to talk about that prevent others from seeing you as a professional and thinking of you as an employee with potential to contribute in a more significant way.”
And she went on to discuss the employee’s business attire, language and vocabulary, work ethic and attitude. This was not an easy conversation, as you can imagine. It was emotional. It was deeply personal. There was a lot at stake.
But it was a breakthrough conversation that had an enormous impact on the young woman’s life. She made it possible by demonstrating trust in asking, and her supervisor responded courageously, in a respectful, engaged way, with the information that employee needed.
I don’t use the word “courageous” lightly. These are “courageous conversations,” as fellow communicator Ellen Cooperperson terms it. And they are genuine conversations – not soliloquies by the person in authority.
Is there a courageous conversation in your future – with a family member, colleague, friend? Probably. And if you approach it with the right spirit and attitude, it could change your life.